The Mary Sue of Ghosts 1997
by Miri Fern
Summary: Because somebody had to draw the line. A parody meant to both amuse and educate the poor little authors of MJ fanfiction to recognize a Mary Sue in the fandom. And believe me, there are a lot in this fandom.
1. Alyssa

**A/N: I am likely going to regret this, but somebody has to set the bar. This is... well, you know what this is. It's the prototype of a Mary Sue made specifically for the Ghosts 1997 fandom on . Keep in mind the following character may be a Sue, but that doesn't mean somebody else's character who has one or two of the same qualities is one too.**

**Maestro: We're going to hell for this, aren't we?**

**Me: Probably.**

**Maestro: *facepalm***

O*O*O

Alyssa Christine Maybelle Jackie Angela Isabella Oprah Winfrey Wilhelmina Scarlett Ayumi Chuck Norris Warren the III (Oh Lord, this one's gonna be a doozy!) is the Mayor's seventeen year old daughter. (So she's underage, making the inevitable illegal.) She has strait long blond hair that falls past her knees and pale ice blue eyes. She so skinny she almost looks anorexick (Like Nicki Minaj.) and has huge b00bs. (Also like Nicki Minaj. What? You guys are all MJ fans, right?) People say she looks like the combination of a blonde Kristen Stewart (Maestro: *starts downing booze*) and Christine Daae from the Phantom of the Opera. (Gaston Leroux, I'm so sorry you had to be brought into this. I loved the book, I'm just trying to show that people copy good shit to put in their own regular shit...)

The mayor is super controlling over her because she always wears black clothes and makeup. (So she looks like an 80's Sarah Brightman. Staaaring into spaaace.) So she slits her wrists and is always super depressed. (O_o)

One day, when she was walking through the forest, she found Someplace Else and went inside without knocking, since all doors open for her. ("As all things, people or animals or lions and tigers and bears, completely love the Sue without reason." -William Shakespeare) There she met the Maestro, who turned out to be really nice, instead of weird and creepy like her dad said. (I love him too, but it's more so due to fascination. Meh.) Maestro fell in love with her immediately and they banged after only having known each other for a few minutes. On the floor. ALL NITE LOOOOOONG.

(Maestro: *chokes*)

It was hawt.

But then the mayor found out and got all angry pants and got an angry mob to follow him to Someplace Else. They would have killed Maestro if Alyssa hadn't saved him by using her magic powers to scare them off. Alas, she randomly got sick and died tragically in her lover's arms- but not before giving birth to the Antichrist in the form of Paris Renesmee Erica Samantha Fiona Cathy Onama Michelle Hilton Jackson, a plot hole so great that it blew up the canon and made the universe cease to exist altogether. Da End.

**Maestro: *stares* Never. Do that. Again.**

**Me: I wasn't planning to.**

**So writers beware, for Sues run free amongst you. But where? You ask. Alas, they disguise themselves well, as mere hot chicks who screw the male lead. You know it to be true, for I have seen it amongst your fanfictions. Never mind your excuses for their symptoms; they are what they are. And the Michael Jackson fandom has far more than I have ever seen. Remember, they can be saved, but not if you are so attached to them that you yourself praise them to the point of wanting to be them! Halt the sexual fantasies and create something your idol would be proud of! Stop acting like the lesser-known MJ equivelent of a middle aged Twilight mom! AND USE COMMAS!**

**Thank you for reading. :D**


	2. Brooke

**A/N: Well, lads, I thought you'd be smart enough to be able to tell this is a parody. After all, it is listed as one.**

Brooke Diana Naomi Lisa Marie Campbell-Shields (Take note, these are all females MJ had any sort of relationship with, even as just friends.) has just moved in to the town of Normal Valley with her niece, Sarah, (It's more common with nephews, actually.) who's parents are dead, in rehab, and otherwise unavailable, since the circumstances are always changing. She is 23 years old, with caramel skin, chocolate colored curls, and cherry red eyes. (So she's a walking dessert. OM NOM NOM.) She works for the mayor, who doesn't keep it a secret that he wants to get in her pants. (Maestro: Um, ew?)

One day, Sarah goes missing, and Brooke has to use her speshul snowflake powers to figure out where she is, which turns out to be Someplace Else. Thus, it is revealed that Sarah had no point in the story whatsoever other than to lead the Sue to Maestro, who seems friendly, but Brooke is still suspicious. Well, for a couple of days.

The two hit it off, and while they don't immediately fall in love, it doesn't take long before they bonk each other's brains out. (On a bed this time, thankfully.) Shortly afterward, the mayor tries to rape- I mean seduce Brooke, but she refuses, causing him to retaliate by storming the mansion with an angry mob. Because not only is the bitch worth it, but he also knew she was screwing Maestro.

However, the plan backfires, as Maestro proves he has a backbone (Jealousy: *snorts in disbelief* He broke quite easily for me.) and tries to scare them away. The story ends with Brooke doing nothing to help Maestro at all, yet still getting to marry him or some other rubbish like that.

**Maestro: *nods* Marriage is for pansies. Nobody in my family ever (technically) got married, and look at us now! :D**

**Will: We're full of screwups. There was that deformed guy who ate people, I killed my own twin, Maestri killed her brother, Hazel spent her entire human life sick, Eric is terrifying, your parents met at a bar then screwed in a barn on the same night, resulting in you, and you're-**

**Maestro: *clamps hand over mouth* Okay, I think we're done here.**

**Will: *annoyed face***

**Anywho, this is what I like to call a "civilized Sue". It acts like it isn't a MS, but because the plot is so full of holes it looks like Swiss cheese it ultimately becomes one. That, and I get pissed every time Maestro- and MJ in general- feels attracted to a girl at all purely because she's OMG SO HAWT. When am I gonna find a story with a plain/average looking female gets thd guy, or an attractive female becomes FRIENDS with the male lead? (Wait, I wrote one of those... But it was only because she was already dead. SON OF A-)**

**Because all MJ Fanfiction is about is self-insert sex fantasies with no soul. There is nothing to be learned from reading them, and you certainly won't walk away thinking "Wow, that was a beautiful story." The only exception I've ever read was the reason why I started writing about Maestro, and you scared her off through plagiarism. Shameless advertisement of Living in Ghost Town FTW. Go read that one, maybe you'll learn something.**


	3. Stephanie

Princess Stephanie of the planet Something-Or-Other (HAHAHAHAHA.) is 19 years old. She has neon purple hair and violet eyes. (Elizabeth Taylor must be spinning like a top in her grave...) Her skin is blue (Smurf! SMURRRFF!) and she is very skinny. As in, Barbie doll skinny. With the same physics as Jessica Rabbit.

The queen from Captain EO is her mother, and they hate each other because everyone loves Stephanie and her own mother is jealous. (REEEEEAAAALLLLLYYYYYYY?) So her mother keeps her locked away in the dungeons being tortured. (How do people love her then? o_O)

One day, Stephanie hears about some visitors to the planet, and uses her extreme hawtness to get the jailer to let her go up and see. (Why she wouldn't use this to escape, no one knows.) There she meets Captain EO and his ragtag gang of Muppets. EO saves the day while she watches and does nothing, and afterwards he offers to take her with him. Because he secretly wants to make whoopie with her. Yep. Insert Captain Kirk joke here.

Then they go on some adventures or something, after which they end up... I've run out of terms that mean intercourse, insert whatever you want here-and Stephanie finds out he is actually a fugitive, since he disobeyed orders and was supposed to kill everybody on her homeworld-cows-and she gets really mad, but they-they do something, and, and it's all okay then, but then he gets caught and tried before galactic court-CATS-where he was soon found guilty and banished to a colorless spaceship with his sister, who is therefore exposing her nipple. The End.

Oh yeah, and Stephanie exploded somewhere along the line. Hooter must've touched her hooters.

**Maestro: *bangs head against wall***

**A/N: My head hurts from all these Sues. I couldn't think of another one for Ghosts, so I made one for Captain EO instead.**


End file.
